Two weddings, Two different styles

Muscat, Oman

Two weddings, two different styles

What I’ve learned about Omani weddings and how they are celebrated depends on the individual families history and what their racial ethnic may be. In my short visit here I’ve been to two weddings in Muscat and there where variations from one another.

All weddings begin with an engagement (or Malka) this is a formal contractual agreement. If the wedding does not happen and they separate, it would then be considered a divorce.

The groom celebrates the engagement with men only, in a Mosque where food is served and there are prayers. The ceremony begins in a large circle were the groom will sit next his father along with a male representing the brides side of the family; for some reason her father is not part of this process at the mosque often an uncle or older brother will be there on behalf of the family and the Imam (Muslim leader). First of all between these four people an agreement is made. The bride doesn’t have anything to do with this agreement. Now a little side track here. I have talked with friends here and they say that not all families do it this way. That the agreement may be decided before hand and when the engagement (Malka) happens at the Mosque all members of the families have already made the decisions. Sometimes the bride has been a part of this agreement ahead of time. And they go through the formality at the Mosque.

I have read that at the Mosque after the agreement is made. Rest of the male guest go to the groom and begin to beat him on the back with their canes. This the the grooms opportunity to show how tuff he is. After this ordeal is over they all sit down and eat.

Depending on the family and ethnic group, at this time this could be the end of the engagement.
From what I understand most of the time there are two more ceremonial phases to the wedding
one is when the bride has a henna celebration and meets the groom and his family which
sometimes can be the first time to meet and they bring her money and the next day is the wedding called, “Talbees debal” or exchanging of wedding rings.

Years ago these celebration’s would have taken place in a families home but now days the group is too large. The first celebration I went to was a wedding. It was in a large hall and there were 350 guest, all women. The second wedding was in a tent within a tight neighborhood and there were approximately 120 guest.

The first wedding we went to, Aida had invited us, it was her cousins wedding. The wedding was in a hall that was set up with tables, chairs, a centerpiece and a few water glasses. In the front of the large room there were 4 steps up to a stage where there was a large, white ornamental couch and lots of hanging mirrors. All in white with blue lights in the background.

We (Shira and I) were told to be there at 8:30 pm and we were on time and were some of the first guest. They start late around here. After arriving we were escorted into the room. As we walked in, on both sides of the door-way there were older ladies sitting in chairs, ready to greet the guest. They were family members of the bride and a few members of the grooms side. We shook all their hands and I happened to know one of the ladies sitting there because she was the person who had us to her home for dinner when we first arrived in Oman, Aida’s mother. I was pleased to know I knew someone else there.

The women were dressed in the most amazing colorful outfits and did not have their scarves covering their heads. This was the first time I saw my friend Aida’s hair. It was black, long with soft curls. Just as I had imagined, she is a beautiful lady. Because the ladies did not have their heads covered I was not allowed to take photos. Darn.

The music was so loud I could not hear anything anyone said to me when I was introduced. I probably wouldn’t have known what they were saying anyhow. I’d smile and nod my head. We were escorted to a table where Adia’s sister, Aziza was sitting waiting for us. Yea, now I know 3 people. I didn’t recognize Aziza at first because she had her hair exposed and was dressed like a princes.

Aida sat with us and eventually her mother and cousin joined us. The room filled up and people danced for some time, I eventually felt comfortable enough to join in on the dancing. As most of you know I love to dance. Well, this was a little awkward at first because besides Shira I’m the only person with white hair, skin and one of the oldest people there. And here I am on the dance floor. Everyone moved to the side and watched me, Yikees! I was careful to not make any moves you’d see Elaine do on Seinfeld. It was a little strange to have these lovely ladies watching me, I began to move to the music and encouraged them to join in. Before too long we were all dancing together. Now these ladies know how to use their hips. At one point this specific music came on, with lots of rhythm the ladies took their scarves and wrapped them around the lower part of their hips or upper thighs and started moving with the rhythm, really shaking their hips, they looked good. I did not try I just watched… smart of me, unless Seinfeld is looking for a replacement for Elaine.

Around 10:30 the music stopped and it’s now time for the arrival of the bride. Dramatic music begins to play and a big spot light comes on, shinning on the bride as she slowly walks into the room. She is wearing a big, full white wedding dress, American style. She walked to the stage and sat on the fancy, white couch. After that dazzling entrance into the room, we ate dinner. The food was traditional Omani rice, beef, lamb, hummus, vegetables of sort, tabouli, etc. while we were eating (with fork and soup spoon) the bride just sat there and people would go up and have photos taken with her. After we ate it was back to dancing. At one point the music changed and I was excited because it was something I wanted to dance to, the rhythm was inviting. But Aida comes over to me and said in her kind voice with a big smile, “this is an Omani dance you should sit down”….. thank god she was there giving me the cues when necessary. I sat down and watched these ladies shake it up.

Around 11:15 the music stops and all the women cleared the dance floor they all put on their scarves making sure their heads are covered. Then different music begins to play. The groom has arrived, he walks into the room there were 4 or 5 little girls following him throwing rose peddles at him; with his family following behind. The groom was dressed in his finest white dishdasha carrying a cane, wearing a khanjar “dagger” and a scarf, head cover. He slowly walked on to the stage with the family, they all shook the brides hand and then walked off stag to shake the hands of the family members while the groom returned to the stag with the bride. Then this young girl slowly walks in carrying a somewhat large flower arrangement up to the stage. The rings are attached to the arrangement. The bride and groom exchange rings. Everyone cheers. And then it’s over. We thank everyone but before we left they want us to each take an arrangement. I was thinking what about all the other people here who know the bride. I graciously took the arrangement and pleased to have fresh flowers in our apartment. Photos were allowed after scarves were put back on.

The second wedding we went to was a little different. We were invited by a friend of Aida’s; Badriya, who thought we’d enjoy this experience. This was the henna celebration when the bride and her female relatives receive designs on their hands, arms and feet. The tradition is so deeply ingrained, that no wedding seems complete without it.

We arrived at 8:30 pm we walked into a tent and there were no tables except for 2 small, short ones with thick pillows around the table, plus there were pillows around the edge of the tent. The floor was covered by a large red rug. There was a short stage decorated with great colors bright yellow, greens, oranges and pinks. There was a bright yellow couch, decorative chest for gifts and money, from what I understood.

We were escorted to one of the two tables. You need to understand when we walk into these places (just about everywhere we go) we stand out big time with our white hair and skin. So every one stares at us. Why it was decided that we get to sit at the table I have no idea. I suppose they consider us their honored guest. Everyone else is sitting in circles on the floor. Except for the grandmother of the bride who sat on a white plastic chair. This grandmother kept smiling at me during the evening so at one point I got up and went over to her and took her hand in mine and told her how beautiful she looked. I asked if I could take her photo and she said, yes with a big smile. She is a proud woman and seemed very happy

At one point three people approached our table. One person had a large plastic table cloth that was tied in a knot. It was set down on the table and unwrapped, inside was a huge platter of Omani rice and large chunks of beef cooked perfectly tender. Another person set down a platter of whole fresh, fruit along with figs. Another person set down an urn of Omani coffee and a bowl of water for hands. No napkins or silver ware. I dug in with my hands and enjoyed it all. Later on they same people came back wrapped up the platter with the plastic cloth it had been sitting on, took the whole fruit and left the coffee. Just like that the table was cleared. Any trash was placed on the plastic cloth and wrapped up.

While we were eating more people were arriving and I was amazed by the clothing. I so badly wanted to take photo’s. Badriya, who brought us to the wedding asked if I could take photos and I was allowed. I started in by asking those who were sitting near me if I could take their photos and most people said yes. So you can see what these beautiful ladies looked like.

The music was playing very loud. But no dancing except for a few children. At one point a number of ladies left the room and they asked if I would join them? At this point it was clear I was going to be taking more photos. We all walked out side the tent into this tight, little neighborhood and the women were crowded onto a porch. Between the buildings I saw were the food was coming from. There was a large carpet on the ground with large hots and burners this is where they built the platters for each group.

The purpose of leaving the tent was to get the bride. I was about to take a photo when the sister of the bride told me not to take any photos I couldn’t understand what she said next. She was nice about it. So I didn’t take the photos of the ladies gathering together to bring the bride into the tent.

I was a little confused if I should or should not photograph, so I only took photos of those who asked. Now there was a parade back into the tent with the bride in between all her friends. I could not see her only this green sparkly cloth. The women were singing they would move their tongue quickly up and down with a screeching sound that I cannot explain. When we all got back into the tent the bride and her mother were sitting on the bright yellow couch on the stage. I was surprised to see the bride had a full mask on. I thought of it kind of odd to have her face so covered but I was allowed to photograph her while doing so I could see her eyes looking right at me. Hum???

More singing began and a few friends started dancing around the room carrying these items. I’m still not sure what they represent. I think the first large green form is a larger sample of what is used to heat up the henna so it is spreadable and the second tray was the henna. This is significant because it was a henna celebration. VIDEO

After this dance was over It was time for the groom to enter the room along with his family. The groom walks up to the bride and starts throwing rials $$$ money at her. Then his sisters put these money necklaces they had made over her head and they hang from her neck. She is sitting there with the mask on so there is no expression visible. The grooms family shakes the hands of the brides family and the ceremony is over. We left at this point. But we were told that the guest would stay into the night, dancing…VIDEO

I was wondering if the mask was an old family ritual and what it’s significance may be. We were told that it was a new mask and this is something the bride had chosen to do. And that it is done from time to time. Most of the time the bride would use a sheer cloth to cover her face. There may be more to the story about the mask. I’ll do a little more digging.

I really enjoyed taking the photos and found myself comfortable doing so. I was not shaking which makes it a better chance for a clear shot…It’s kind’a uncomfortable being so noticed. I’m usually so happy to be were I am I can imagine I have a big smile on my face and I purposely look into the others eyes, connecting and feeling humbled to be there.

Some of my favorite photos